I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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