My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
