The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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