Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
