Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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