I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
