I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
