I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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