I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
