he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
