Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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