so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
