I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
