I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
