I am midnight drunk by noon
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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