i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
