I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
