If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
