The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
