I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
