My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
