I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
