Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
