I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
