I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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