I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
