Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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