Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
