I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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