Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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