Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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