Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
