I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
