You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
