I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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