Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
