Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
