apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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