she looked like the before picture.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
