how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
