i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
