Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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