everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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