why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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