so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
