I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Randomize
