lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
