Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
