Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just cropdusted the office
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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