i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
