Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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