Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
