K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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