I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
